I have been doing meditation for over 2 weeks now. I have to say I really enjoy this, Not only does it give me inner peace but when i do not do it for a few days my body actually craves it!

Its almost like food is needed for the body, And than their is spiritual food for the soul, Now I understand it now. It has also helped me to grow up rather fast to! I been able to be more assertive, more mature in my decisions and an all around better person. I been able to let go of toxic situations and people more easily (which i was finding hard at points.)

I also realize life is more than what it appears to be to, I feel like i am walking between two worlds, I do not know how really go into detail about it.

I also find our choices shape our destiny to, And everything happens for a reason and its okay to make mistakes, its okay if we do not like some people (it doesn't make us perfect) I used to be a person that wanted to be "liked" I believe half the world people want to be "liked".

However it isn't important to me and anything i do or don't do is my business and if others have problems with it, Well that is just their problem. I feel to truly feel free, To truly live the life you want, You have to drop what others say. Otherwise you are letting others "control" your life by what they think rather than what you think.

I know that i am happy and content in what i must do with my life, But i also know that if my parents didn't agree or tried to mess it up because they don't approve, I would ditched them, IF they can not understand why I do what I do, and Why i do it, and have a problem with it, I wouldn't want to be around them. I don't feel i want any part of negative people around me and that includes family, Thou i would always have that unconditional love their for them, But this is my life and if i must walk alone, I will, and I know i am able to do so.

I know God will take care of me, He will bring people in my life to help me along the way, So i have no worries and no fear.

Any good deed i do, is to please the creator, to show love where love is needed.
Everyone else comes second to this.

In other news,

I feel I want a commitment, but as much as i do have my reservations about this, I am open to it, Its just I have been hurt way too much in my life, Put myself in situations where I ended up being controlled, felt stuck , wasn't strong enough to overcome that control, Now that 4 years have passed from a really rubbish and painful marriage. I feel more stronger, more freer, I found my purpose now and i am all around happy!

But i would love to be a mom now, Okay not right this minute!

But I want something so profound so strong, serious and someone on my team, Someone that has that fire inside them that wants to make a difference to this world, Wants to bring the world "back" to love etc.

Its not about "having" someone because i simply cant be on my own, i have been for 4 years now, I don't want to be with someone because of loneliness NO, but because two hearts are better than one with this mission i want to achieve, and plus its just another path to growing and learning, just like wanting to be a parent, i don't want to be a parent because its a "normal" thing but rather to bring children into this world to bring love to it, I have plans my kids will be involved in my mission the moment they can walk at 1 or 2 years old, they will help me bake things for the homeless, maybe visit nursing homes etc.


People always assume i am like everyone else, And that can get so frustrating and yet they are shocked to find out my way 0f thinking, but yet they do not want to bother to even get to know me first before they pass judgements, I maybe turning 28 next month but i am so not the typical woman and i just wish someone would just take time to just see that.

Who knew that volunteering at a homeless shelter would be rewarding.
Yesterday was my second time being their and it felt better than the first.
(I was kinda shy the first day)

But i was ready to go the next time i was able, and the fact I was so decisive on what i wanted to achieve this time around was the first! I went in put my stuff down and went to the kitchen.

Three people were already their cooking with big pots.

I asked how long they been coming here the man replied 8 years!
They worked for the local council, 2 women and 1 man.

I helped where i was able and heard that they ordered 8 big jumbo pizzas.
Chips where also being cooked in the oven but made their way to a big pan to be deep fried.
Bake beans were on the menu with some salad leaves.

When it came to serving i got to serve 2 pizzas each, their were 3 types of pizza, pepperoni and ham, veggie, and chicken.

It was fast paced but most of them seemed very grateful to be getting food! The thank you and pleases came out with some.

It was like to some this was pure gold. Happiness to have their tummy's fed.

It was fun and i enjoyed being their! A man in their said loudly " I like big women" As if he did not care what anyone in the place thought about that, and he was ever proud of what he felt strongly about! I remember seeing him before in the past, But i was wearing a scarf than and he probably forgot!

After it was all done, Two people came very late, and i remember a food plate was left over for someone to come, but they never showed up. so I was able to give 1 piece of pizza to a guy, thinking in case the other did show up they would still have one piece with loads of chips. but another man came and i gave him the last plate, i figured that other wasn't going to turn up. and i believe they did not either.

Than an Irish woman came in, I met her the first time i was their, She is nice and been coming to the centre for a while, We seem to "click" she seems to understand a lot of things that i do, That looking inside someone and not going by their appearance etc.

She is the second person in 3 years out of tons of people i met, that is actually being sincere in what she says and is being 100 percent herself and reflecting bits of who i am as a person!

It was nice yesterday and i pray that i can do more for this place in future, i have ideas about it so we shall see. But I definitely feel at home their, This is where God wants me for now and this is where i will stay till he moves me on, (if he ever does) but for now i am learning more about myself than i thought possible, and its bringing out my strengths and my compassion and my love for myself and all of creation! it makes me what to expand this love to other areas, to other places, to other people that need my help, my love, or my attention!