I am re-inventing myself.

I have gone through so many changes, I feel, I am a "new" person.
I been on a kick lately to finally be who I am meant to be.

I guess i am going through a stage of styling my hair differently, Adding piercing, wearing a little makeup(but not all the time) being more girlie , Like i am finding myself increasingly buying nail polishes, And than reapplying this daily.

And I am really having fun, Finally breaking a mold, A shell , I feel I was in for far, far, to long.
I felt trapped within myself, Couldn't find a way out.
I felt I was never able to just. be. me.

I would get in situations where I was always controlled by others, How others wanted me to be,
I wanted to be liked, But I would end up well still not happy.
I'd find myself frustrated because I did not know how to say what I felt, (unless I was angry) And what I wanted.

A skill I was never taught, I had to learn to "parent" myself. Its been hard to do that.
But I feel more positive than ever.

I am going to start taking classes soon to better my life.
I want to learn to sew, Because Id love to make my own skirts out of cheap jeans, or old jeans.

I do not want to live by society's rules no more. I want to just do what makes ME happy.
I want to write a book, I want to learn to cook more healthy Fresh food!

I feel a hippie inside. I care about the world, I want to make it better in many, many ways.
I just want to be me.

I want to be more frugal (not because i can not afford stuff) but because I really, really, enjoy this, making my money stretch is SO much fun to me. Companies really rip people off and their are ways to have expensive things but screw the big companies to make their products last longer than they expect.

I want to help more people, I want to be an ear to people that have no one.
I want to be with someone that also shares the same visions or at least close to them.

Doing what I feel is right, I am finding is much better than walking around being something I am not to please everyone.

I am starting to feel SO free inside. And as time goes on I will have more and more freedom!
And I am soo excited I will!

I even decided to change my name. So when I meet new people, I will use my new name.
I want to start over, I want a change, And I want to forget what I been through, Deal with the pain, let it go. And start building a new life for myself, And the name change and appearance are the first steps!

Now i got to start opening up and letting people See the real me now. Can seem scary at times, But I been through so much in 4 years and survived it, This should be a easy.